Saying Goodbye

It’s all I really want if you’re going to leave.

I don’t care if you’re leaving because you want to raid or somebody threatened you, but don’t you dare say you still love me and then just leave with a stupid obligatory goodbye forum post or one-liner in-game.

Cat-Fight

I don’t really know what the problem was that started the schism or what brought it about.  Thrax, the guy that called me a n00b the first time I saw Shatt on a friend’s computer screen in Chem lecture, was demanding some communication about the ICC25 raids and why he wasn’t invited.  He’s a dick half the time but he’s a competent raider, at least, I always thought.  He’s a dick, but I can ignore him, mainly because I know half the time it’s because he’s angry or he doesn’t mean it.

It’s like crude jokes in-game or with my guy friends.  I let them pull sexual innuendos out of everything I say and I go back and forth with them on it, but only because I know they don’t actually mean anything by it.  They would never actually hit on me or treat me dirty.  The same with Thrax.  I don’t really know, but I feel like despite his ability to be a complete asshole I felt like he would never actually go through with a lot of things.

Other people didn’t think so, I guess.  Whatever, people got pissy in the forums, Thrax said somebody threatened him in private, so he did it in public, in the thread.

Did I ever mention I was on the young end of the guild?  Yeah, Thrax is 30-something, he acted like he was 3.  Other people involved are as old or older than him, they acted like they were 3.

I thought it was going to be another drama llama and then we’d all just laugh about it 2 weeks later in some Naxx alt raid for kicks.

Exodus

Every day I log on, my loading screen takes forever.  Probably because I have so many addons.  But I go visit the guild forums every day during that loading screen or when I just wake up.  Every day.  It’s often the first site I go to every day.  I mean, Google is my homepage, but before I hit up Twitter, before I hit up Facebook, before I open Thunderbird, before I go to Blackboard to find out I forgot to do X Homework…every day the first thing I do on the internet is TSR.

So I pull up the forums and there it is.  Cat-fight.  Omfg, wtf, geezus guys, I log on expecting to go wtf? and get a oh, it’s just drama again, /angry, words, /sigh, okay I still love you guys, what was I thinking, lolwut.

I got “Ed has promoted Rob to be the new Guild Master.”  [G][-Ed-]: I’ll see you guys on the forums. Ed has left the guild.”

o_O

WHAT THE GODDAMN SHITTIN FUCK.

This is ED. ED!  Mr. Cool.  Complete one-fucking-eighty for him to leave, in my mind.  I swear, the amount of shit he put up with in raids and Vent and guild and he still kept a cool head.  Only after raiding with him for a long time could I begin to tell when he was getting frustrated.  Actually, it was only after I took a stab at raid leading.  He was Mr. Cool, my role model for keeping a level head while dealing with drama in the game.

And he fucking left. Supposedly due to Thrax, who is known for his asshattery.  I say supposedly because it really doesn’t feel like it was just because of Thrax.

For the rest of the day I got to watch as forum and in-game /gquits commenced.  I didn’t want to log off or afk in fear that I would miss saying goodbye to someone. Not that they really said goodbye.  Steve, Mary, Ed, Sean, Dave, Daniel…all gone.  They all have five bazillion alts, too.  Do you know what that looks like?

Once, Kel-Greg got hacked.  Kel has like five bazillion alts, mainly because he’s been around since TSR was born, I swear, so half of them are almost bank-alts reborn.  The day he got hacked we were waiting around for a healer or something to finish out a raid, and boom, he logs on.  Hey! Kel! Come heal for us! etc.

But he never answers.  Switches toons even.  Kel?  Kel, man, come on, come heal for us.  No answers.

The sleezeball logged on and off Kel’s various alts for about two hours, selling off his stuff and mail the gold to somewhere else.

And we got to watch.  And couldn’t do anything about it except watch and take screenshots hoping Blizz would give Kel his stuff back.  Though, I’ve never been raped personally, after watching someone be hacked in WoW, it’s the closest I can get to feeling like I just watched someone get raped.

When half your guild leaves, and they remove all their alts, you get to watch.  Helpless.  You can’t do squat.  They keep telling you it’s not your fault, but, omg, it totally feels like it.

As they quit the guild, they keep telling you they still love you.

Shockwave

The day/night before this, I had been engaged and listening to the Twisted Nether Blogcast with Miss Medicina guesting.  I took notes and figured I’d do sort of my commentary on her interview.  One of the questions asked was what was your Greatest WoW Achievement ever.  Hers was putting together a successful ICC 10man that raids two hours a week (in the same night) and is up to Festergut.

Yeah that’s pretty awesome.

My Greatest WoW Achievement ever was getting my Dreadsteed of Xoroth.

EVAR.

Why?  I got it done when it was still a quest.  I solo’d my way  “growing up” in WoW.  Aside from sharing green text with TSR, I didn’t really feel part of TSR, just kind of Tig’s RL friend who happened to joined and could read about adventures in Kara.  I knew the dreadsteed quest involved a crapton of mats, only some of which came from my professions of tailoring and enchanting.  It also involved a few dungeons, including the culminating step.

I needed people.  So I asked on the guild forums for help.  Small, shy, I know you might point me toward the mats, but I’ll need to get them myself.  I might have to badger people into going to get the dungeons done, because, pfttt, who does Dire Maul anymore?

Within a couple of days, my guild practically dropped everything I needed for the quest in my lap. No questions asked.  Although you HAVE to complete the quests for the ritual items, we used Roliat’s old items.  I think we even did the pally charger quest at some point during the dungeoning.

I still remember riding on my felsteed up through the Burning Steppes on my way to complete the final final final step.  Y’know, the Alliance flightpoint is down in the southeast corner of the map, and the warlock dude is way way way up in the northwest corner, and no, you can’t just fly like the crow riding over there.  It was epic.  I felt epic. And then I handed it in.  And had plenty of laughs involving as many sexual innuendos as possible involving fire, reins, steed, thrusting, etc. with Thrax in guild chat.

When I feel down in Wrath of the Lich King, one of the ways I still cheer myself up is to look up my Dreadsteed of Xoroth Feat of Strength achievement.

My guild helped me get it.  My. Guild.  My. My guild.

My Greatest WoW Achievement EVAR was the day I felt like a Robe and a Warlock at the same damn time. Chest pieces are pretty, but I wear my tabard with pride, and talbuks are pretty, but my Dreadsteed is the one on my mount macro.

Tabards

My tabard is my WoW blanky.

I started WoW because of a Robe RL friend.  I was born in the Robes.  I’ve grown up in the Robes.  I matured in the Robes, as a Robe.

It’s so old and stained and patched up.  There are tears in it, laughing ones and sad ones.  I’ve sneezed on it.  I’ve wiped blood off my felpuppy’s cheeks with it.  I’ve held it over my head when it rained AGAIN in Duskwood.  I’ve used it as a fan while grinding Cenarion Circle rep in Silithus. I wore it when I dinged 70, I wore it when I dinged 80.  I criticized gear appearance because it made my tabard look bad.

I wear a Red Linen Shirt ever since I’ve been able to make Red Linen Shirts, because isn’t that what a proper Scarlet Robe should wear under her tabard?

Y’know when you ding the real life 16 or 17 or 18 or 31 and your parents tell you it’s time to throw that old thing away?  And you totally can’t.  At first you totally can’t because it’s your BLANKY, enough said.  Why can’t they get that.  And then it’s because you KNOW it’s old, its time is gone, and you SHOULD just throw it away or donate it or whatever…but you can’t.  Because it’s a part of you.

My tabard is a part of me, goddamnit.

And yet, I realize maybe I should put it away.  I want to raid and see some content.  The people who are left in the Robes, well, they’re awesome people, and yeah, we could raid, but the majority just don’t.  Some of them, Patrick & Leah, were top-end, yes.  Some others, not so much.  It wasn’t that they didn’t try, but it just wasn’t the right attitude.

So part of me wants to go, because it realizes I might not be happy here.

Might not.  Well, it took me a while to figure out that raiding is not the actual end-game.  Not to me, anyway.  My guild is the end-game. Playing with people I care about, even though I’ve never met them beyond their online avatars.  Right now, my end-game feels scattered to the winds.  There, but not all together.

But my tabard is still my blanky.  I still have memories of the Scarlet Robes, some of them with the people who left and some still with the people still tagger <The Scarlet Robes>.  I don’t want to leave.  I don’t want to say goodbye.

I can’t even phrase goodbye, right now. And I know how it hurt that people never really said goodbye, except in a forum post or one-liner before “___ left the guild.”  I don’t want to hurt the friends still here.  Because I would be saying I’m leaving and still loving them, but leaving doesn’t feel like loving at all.

Lost Puppy

I feel like a lost puppy.  Originally I felt, to rephrase Leah, like a puppy in the middle of a divorce.  Both sides saying, “C’mere, girl, c’mon!” and using me as proof the other sucked.  And me, sitting, panting in the middle of the room, switching form looking at one to looking at the other, with that sad face on my face that says, “But, why can’t I have both?  Why this now?”

Now that the one parent left, I don’t want to diss the parent I have left by saying you’re not good enough.  Because you’re not.  You’re amazing.  But it doesn’t feel the same anymore, and I want that family bond back.

An old Robe comes back on the forums every once in a while, and as this all went on, he posted a little bit about What Are the Robes?.  He said a friend of his, an ex-Robe of long past, had been through 14 guilds since.  Fourteen.  And not once has he encountered a bond in a guild as strong as The Scarlet Robes.

So, here’s one lost puppy, LF a Robe-strong WoW family.  She likes to play catch in demonic portals, pick Lifeblooms, and Maul unsuspecting skeletons.  She might go home with you, or she might stay with her Tattered Robes as they rebuild.  She really doesn’t know what to do anymore.

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8 responses

  1. As I mentioned on Twitter, you are welcome to come join us. It is tough losing a group of friends that are like family. I hope you are able to find the closure you are seeking.

    08 Feb 2010 at 17:12

  2. THIS was the post I wanted to reply to. :)

    My guild has little to no drama. I <3 them, and we're in pretty desperate need of good caster DPS. You can come be part of my WoW family!

    08 Feb 2010 at 18:14

  3. “My guild is the end-game.”

    That right there is an absolute perfect summary of just how I feel about my guild. Excellently phrased.

    I am, however, sad to hear about these problems, especially in a guild which sounds so tight-knit and friendly. I would offer you a place at our table, but I suspect you’ll find more solace with your friends by remaining where you are and helping to rebuild the community.

    09 Feb 2010 at 01:56

  4. It’s unfortunate things like this end up happening. I’m sure you will lift yourself up and find your way in time. Sometimes even the tightest knit families have to go their separate ways. You’ll get through this and be stronger if for nothing but the fact that knowing what you lost makes knowing what you have easier. Good Luck!

    09 Feb 2010 at 09:03

  5. I cried a little….

    I love you Megan, and I’ll miss you lots :(

    09 Feb 2010 at 18:00

  6. Zakkerie

    I just quit TSR this morning.

    It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in WoW, hands down. There was no one on, so I couldn’t really say goodbye, but I feel like most everyone that I would have wanted to say it to have left already. I know that I have DeathZakk on Ursin, but it will never be the same as my first guild, and my first friends on WoW.

    01 Mar 2010 at 17:18

  7. Pingback: Exodus « Fel Concentration

  8. Pingback: 1 Year…ish… « Fel Concentration

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