Changing Directions

RL sucks

For me, at the moment, real life sucks.  Basic gist is I’m depressed.  And afraid of people when I’m not on the med I was on because I ran out of it.

Ironic, huh, that I find relief in an MMORPG when, normally, I’m afraid of phone calls and ordering food and turning homework in.  It’s something about text-based communication that I’m fine with, I think.  I mean, I’m quiet on Vent, but will type out paragraphs in chat with no problem.

I also have next to no confidence in myself, and just feel frustrated that I can’t go pursue what I want and be happy with myself because others make me feel like an idiot.  Yeah, it’s probably one of those “stop blaming this on others,” but once I get around to telling someone about my grades or how I’m doing, I just completely lose it all and get super nervous & agitated about everything I do.

Anyway.  Life.  It sucks. I’m sure you don’t want to hear me whine about it.

Pulled myself out of raiding because I’ll be having some unreliable interwebs connection over the summer.  And because I probably need to deal with this crap first.  But I still want to cheer on my guild as they continue.  Hopefully I’ll be back in Ruby Sanctum, but maybe not.

At the least I want to get on and make some Fish Feasts and maybe some flasks to put in the gbank.  Those don’t require a solid 3 hours of uninterrupted interwebs time, anyway.

Mouse Turning

I’ve been trying it.

Shocker, I know. Especially after that other post.

My dorf priest, who is going to be raised on mouse turning alone, is level 14.  I haven’t decided whether I should focus on leveling or whether he should be forced to PvP level as well.

But it’s actually starting to stick a bit.  I went and unbound A & D (and the left & right arrow keys, too), so I physically cannot turn by keyboard.  I hit A & D a lot, and I do miss it when I can’t navigate by one hand.

What?  I multitask when I play sometimes.

But then I logged onto my shaman and…started mouse turning by accident. I didn’t really realize I had been mouse-turning until I went to pick up my drink with my right/mouse hand and instinctively hit the A & D keys while autorunning.

It does help me better when I need to turn in a split second, but autorunning long distances (questing), I still prefer keyboard-turning.  I also have this tendency to turn the camera while fighting a mob, and I keep accidentally turning my toon instead of the camera.  Oops.

No, I haven’t tried PvP yet. Mainly because I’m pretty sure a) my dorf needs to gain a few more levels before it’ll make much of a difference, and b) it’d help to have a friend to talk over Vent or chat or in the room with.

Specifically b).  I get stuck in this “FUCK OFF” mood whenever I try to PvP by myself, dying because I’m somewhere between not knowing what the fuck I’m doing and people generally being asshats.

I still don’t think mouse turning has vastly improved my game, but then again, I haven’t really done anything terribly significant with it.

So I’ll continue my dorf priest experiment with it.

I’m still here

…just maybe not as active.  It’s not a pre-expansion burnout slump; I’m pretty sure it’s not.  I still have much I find entertaining and awesome in the game as it is now.  Especially, I feel energized and at home in Conspiracy.  I find myself thinking more “I want to raid with my guild,” than “I want to raid.”

It’s just that RL decided to run me over and take me away from the keyboard.

It’s cool.  I’ve got the Friend Buff; this RL boss can kiss the floor.  🙂

Advertisements
Changing Directions

10 thoughts on “Changing Directions

  1. Well, I can’t say that everything’s going to be okay, but I can offer virtual hugs if that helps? *hugs*

    Keep at it finding the awesome stuff in game 🙂

    1. The virtual *hugs* itself doesn’t really help, but the fact that it was offered totally does. 🙂

      Btw…thanks for today’s +1 to my WoW wallpaper rotation. 🙂

  2. I’m completely jealous of your mouse-turning experiment. It takes courage to attempt to make that change. Courage that I don’t have at the moment. I hope you’ll keep us informed on how it goes.

    1. Courage? Nah…courage would be trying it on an existing toon like my 80s (warlock, druid, shaman). Instead I rolled a brand new priest.

      But…as evidenced on my shaman…you can mouse-turn without turning off the keybindings. You just have to make a more conscious (or, lol shammy, subconscious) effort to mouse-turn instead.

      Though, to make it fair, I should roll a melee class, too, to see if my “it isn’t vastly different” is mostly because I play ranged classes, who like to stay still and don’t often have the “you must be facing your target’ restriction.

      And …I’ve told myself I *have* to PvP. That should provide for interesting blog posts, so yeah, I’ll keep you informed. 🙂

  3. Your not the only one who can only type-talk and deals with depression. It is totally weird to me that I can chat for hours on IM or something then in person I am like derrr… I can totally relate. Hang in there. Figure out the things you can change and work on them.

  4. You know what, I didn’t have a clue, you always come across as so uberly confident everywhere I see you typing. I think WoW and of course the internet is great like that, being able to just be yourself without having to worry about what people think so much, in a way I think it helps to boost confidence a little bit IRL, knowing that the people behind the keyboards do care 🙂

    And yeah.. PvP gives me the “fuck off and die” syndrome. I only let myself do 1 or 2 BGs in a row else I get snappy.

    1. Yeah, somehow I warp the GIFT into “I have confidence! And can be happy at the same time! Omg!” Hopefully, I’m not quite an asshat…>.> Sometimes, I bet…

      PvP…I go from cold to white-hot anger. It’s…disturbing. =/

  5. Mashugana says:

    Poneria:

    I’m new to your blog and becoming a quick fan – thanks for the hard work. I just wanted to chime in for what its worth. I’ve suffered from depression/anxiety for my whole life – I’m 41 years old so I have quite a bit of experience here being the old man that I am.

    Trust me – it gets better. The right meds, some good therapy, and an outlet like WoW have been great tools for me personally to get past my issues.

    Its not an easy battle, belive me I know, but it is one you can win. Take good care of yourself.

    Mash

    1. Thanks! It does really help to know others like me are out there and have won / are winning. I don’t think it ever gets into a past tense, so I’m guessing it’s “are winning.”

      You take good care of yourself, too, please. Errr, continue taking good care of yourself. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s