The first week of February is always quiet online and indulging for me. I tend to avoid the Super Bowl because I neither care about nor hate football. It just happens to always fall on the weekend or week of my birthday, so I have a little lifelong grudge against the event for taking social attention away. But this year I spent my birthday out with friends in an attempt to find new alcohol I would like, then played some D&D, then watched the Super Bowl with these same people.
Weihenstephaner Dunkel is awesome, by the way, if you’re into dark beers. It’s Bavarian German, if I read the label correctly. I was already quite tipsy when I read it. I first described it as Guinness’s taste, maybe a little lighter, and the almost fizzy kick of ginger ale. It’s not fizzy nor tasting of ginger ale, but it has that slightly tangy kick that ginger ale has for me. Good stuff, I recommend it.
After my birthday weekend, I then figured it was time to get back to work on writing more warlock stuff, since that’s my resolution, and February is already shorter to fit at least 10 posts in. I’ve already gotten myself to write everyday for my blog, though most of it I think is crap and I rewrite it plenty of times.
I also had an unexpected motivation for writing warlock posts: applying to be the Warlock Columnist for WoW Insider.
At first, it was a thing I was doing by myself. I was unhappy with the way the Caraway era of Blood Pact was progressing, and my guildmates Lissanna and Malchome had suggested and linked me the columnist application page. One of those ideas about if you think you can do better, then do it, I guess. One of those ideas, I guess, about maybe Caraway was writing the column because no one else wanted to and they were out of actual warlocks to write it, so a spontaneous warlock application would be welcome.
Well, the application requires ten ideas for your preferred column. So I figured even if I got cold feet and didn’t spontaneously apply to WoW Insider that at least I would have fodder to sculpt for my own blog. Win-win, so I started to work on it a little at a time, whenever I got frustrated and angry about the Blood Pact column.
WoW Insider announced on Tuesday afternoon that they were looking for a warlock columnist.
There I was, as various tweets rolled in about the announcement, my application in a Word document already open on my screen since I was working on ideas anyway.
So of course I decided I’d finish it and turn it in for real. It’s finished, read over (thanks Liss!), polished a bit more, and sent off now. Fly my pretties (words), fly!
I want the position because I love my class and I love to write about my class and wouldn’t it be great to be paid even a little bit for it. Secretly (or not so much anymore) I think it’ll give me a kick in the butt for real life motivations. I feel strong and knowledgeable in WoW as a warlock player (even sometimes a bear), but I feel useless and weak in real life areas of knowledge, ranging from being a productive person to just simple social encounters. As one of my friends has put it recently, why don’t I have this confidence and gusto outside of WoW? I have no clue why.
Whenever I was frustrated with engineering and thinking of throwing it all away, I’d often talk about how I’ve been a math/science/tech girl from the beginning and don’t think I could do much else. I feel like I’m locked into being the techy girl even if I don’t like it anymore. I’m not hot in the looks department, I’m not skilled in social encounters, and I’m pretty weak in the physical department, too.
Everyone always said, “You could get a writing job. You write well.” Always. It would really creep me out sometimes how people who’d barely known me fifteen minutes would suggest the exact same backup profession as people who were there at my original birthday.
But it’s maybe true. You can look at my bookcase and see. There’s a shelf of random nonfiction ranging from how to draw things to how to code things. There’s a shelf with all my classical studies books — biographies, Life in Rome, Greek art — and then all the actual classics — Cicero, Caesar, Gilgamesh, Vergil. There’s a shelf with all my fiction or pleasure reading books, ranging from Orson Scott Card to Star Trek fiction to the Redwall series to Game of Thrones to Warcraft fiction.
I like reading all the things, most especially histories and biographies and sweeping epic adventures.
There’s also this shelf of how to write books. Strunk & White, MLA Handbook, Creative Journal Writing, Scifi World Building, No Plot No Problem, Self-Editing for Writers. I often get science books or fiction series I like for presents, but half the books I’ve bought for myself have been writing books. On this shelf I have random knowledge books like the history of language and the history of the world in six different drinks.
When joining my first Dungeons & Dragons game, I chose a bard for my character on the idea that if I sucked at roleplaying or grasping the pencil & paper mechanics, at least I could write songs and stories in the vein of my character.
My writing constantly gains praise (& criticism, too) from people, in or out of online worlds. In grade school, people liked my writing. In college classes, people like my writing. In roleplay-by-forum-post, people liked my writing. When I write Azerothian roleplay or fanfiction, people like my writing. When I really get going on a blog post, people like my writing.
Even when I put down my pen or rest my fingers from punching the keys for fel’s sake (ever since, I type loudly), and I say, “Well, that’s a piece of crap right there,” people say they like it or they want more anyway.
I feel confused and a bit dazed. I’m not quite certain if I’m good enough yet. I’ve been writing for myself for a long time, and have very little practice at writing for others, especially for a very large and critical audience. The meeker me wants to pull back.
But there’s a thing that comes with depression. It’s that tiny bit of you that gets so frickin’ pissed off about how meek you’re being. And most days you can’t hear that little voice. But every once in a while, you think, “Yeah, why can’t I do this? Screw you, depressed self!”
I think I’ve got to face it that, hey, I like to write, and hey, maybe I’m good at it just a little bit, and hey, maybe I should write more because of that.
So it’d be awesome and really cool if I got the Warlock Columnist position. There will be definite bucket loads of girly squeeing if that’s the case. But if I don’t get it, that’s okay, because I
can will just do it here at FC instead.